I’m supposed to be blogging about my pregnancy. Posting progression pics. Describing new symptoms. Cravings.
But somehow, I can hardly bring myself to do it.
It’s all been said already. Hasn’t it?
I’m not the first woman to be pregnant, and I damn sure won’t be the last.
Yeah, but all pregnancies are different, Faith.
In every single one of them, another person invades your body and feeds off you for approximately 9 months (9 ½ actually). A tiny being exists by taking refuge and sustenance within its host.
Like a parasite.
A really cute, cuddly, chubby-cheeked parasite.
And I use the terms “cute” and “cuddly” loosely. They’re kinda weird looking until they’re born (and quite frankly, for a while afterwards). I mean, it’s not like you can even see your baby in utero anyway. Grainy ultrasound prints. Those Claymation-shaped Play Doh abstracts they call 4-D scans.
Not exactly cute.
But, if you ask me, my little parasite is BEAUTIFUL.
Seriously, look at those perfectly aligned vertebrae!
Check out the flawless curve of her giant head.
My point, and I do have one, is…
What IS my point?
God, I forget everything these days. Pregnancy brain is indeed a thing.
My point is that I write about this experience because it is as old as human existence, connecting me inextricably to all that was before and will be after this, while at the same time, uniquely my own.
No one else in the history of the Universe has ever been me while pregnant with this baby.
Unless this is some type of alternate dimension where we all relive the same life over and over again (par exemple, Groundhog Day). In which case, we’ve got some bigger metaphysical shit to worry about, like…
What happens when people discover that their lives are on repeat?
Does knowing cause a rift in the space-time continuum? A wrinkle in time? Mass chaos?
Is the resulting chaos subject to constant replay? Or does mass chaos break the cycle (since chaos, by definition, is unstructured and non-cyclical)?
Is this what causes déjà vu?
Have I tried to figure this all out before?
Where did this thought, or for that matter, all thoughts, come from?
Who is John Galt?
I can feel the baby move now. Well, technically, she’s still a fetus. But that sounds so impersonal. So clinical. Like the word emote. Or coitus.
She wiggles after I eat, jumps at loud noises or music, and randomly flips over. She even got the hiccups yesterday. It feels weird. Like something hiccupping …INSIDE you.
I’m 18 weeks in. So apparently that makes her the size of a sweet potato. Or a corner store pickle.
I swear, I didn’t make that up. (read it here)
Anyway, appointment today with my new doctor.
Anatomy ultrasound (Level 2) next week.
That is all.