The Things I Couldn’t Teach You

(An open letter to my former students) When you were my students, I taught you how to use a comma, how to develop an argument, how to analyze literature.  I taught you how to cite your sources, how to recognize logical fallacies, how to converse knowledgeably, how to identify anaphora, tetracolon, asyndeton. But there wereContinue reading “The Things I Couldn’t Teach You”

How to make the world suck less

It smells like pee in here.  Pee and hopelessness. I sat clutching my call number, scanning the room for the source of the sour smell. I turned to my husband, nose wrinkled in disgust. “Do you smell that?” “What?” “It smells like pee.” “Oh, is that what that is? Maybe some kid couldn’t wait toContinue reading “How to make the world suck less”

It’s a gas

I’m inordinately paranoid about going to the dentist.  Afraid that the drill will slip out of my dentist’s hands and accidentally bore out my eyeball, or that I will have to have a root canal.  And it happened.  The root canal, not the eyeball thing, which totally could happen. I’ve seen a lot of medical tvContinue reading “It’s a gas”

Like Cat Hair

God, I hate cat hair. It lands on every fabric surface in my home and clings there, multiplying into layers, waiting for an unsuspecting victim to walk by, thereby providing a means of transportation to another surface. This morning, I snatched the king-size quilted comforter off the bed, determined to get rid of the ever-presentContinue reading “Like Cat Hair”

The Best of All Possible Worlds

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”  – Maya Angelou There’s a popular website called F My Life where everyday people (and their idiot friends) post about their misfortunes and epic fails.  Surprisingly, none have written “Today, I realized that I had the necessary resources, physical capability and mental acuity toContinue reading “The Best of All Possible Worlds”